This girl is more easily done than said...
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
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I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
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I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Good news!! I can adult!! π turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ππ
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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