Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
Randomize