Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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