Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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