My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
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