He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
That's the second time the same cop pulled me over well a different girl was giving me road head
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
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