If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
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