Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
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I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
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His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
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