Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize