And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize