it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
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he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
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QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
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