upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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