We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Randomize