If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
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I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
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Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
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