I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
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