All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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