My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
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I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
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In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
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