so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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