A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
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You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
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I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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