and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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