there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
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