i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize