a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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