I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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