Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
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