Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
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I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
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She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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