I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
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