I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Randomize