dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
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You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
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