Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I think pants incapable of making pants work
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
Randomize