so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
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Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
I think I came out of my blackout as I was ordering wine from the private wedding reception.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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