Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize