remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Randomize