just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
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