i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize