You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
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He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
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Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
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