you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
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