Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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