Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize