At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
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