the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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