I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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