Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Randomize