My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
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Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
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The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
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