hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
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He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
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I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
All I want is dick and wine.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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