How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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