HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize