i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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