Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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