Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
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